Did you ever notice how once people start dating they are suddenly described as "amazing"? I am curious to know what is up with using that word because if you think about what amazing really means it doesn't make so much sense to describe a person like that. According to Webster's dictionary this is the definition of the word amazing :causing great surprise or sudden wonder. So when someone wants to set me up with an 'amazing' guy, does that mean I'm going to be taken by surprise when I see him? Will my jaw drop? Will my knees get weak? Will I stare in wonder at the divine light that illuminates his entire being? Unless he's Moshe Rabeinu himself, I hardly expect to have that reaction from any man- even the one I decide to marry. And if you look at the synonyms for the word amazing it gets even better: astonishing, awe-inspiring, marvelous, prodigious... What would you say if you someone described a potential date as 'awe-inspiring'? Or prodigious? Or astonishing? You'd think they were a freak, right? So what is it about the word amazing that everyone thinks is so normal?
Is it just a safe way of avoiding giving an accurate description of a person? You say the word amazing and you fend off all other annoying questions? If that is the case then I think there should be some sort of criteria that fall under this umbrella term of 'amazing' since it is a pretty intense way of describing someone. I mean really, not EVERYONE can be described using a term also used for Matan Torah and the splitting of the Red Sea.
For instance, an 'amazing guy' would have to have davened 3 times a day with a minyan everyday since his bar mizvah, know Tanach by heart, make an income of at least 100K a year, helps old ladies cross the street, isn't threatened by putting on an apron and cooking for shabbat, would be ok being a stay at home dad if need be without it denting his ego, has an eye for fashion, perfect teeth, is an eloquent speaker, talented dancer, piano virtuoso, star athlete, refers to you as 'her highness', and shows up after work with diamonds on a random Tuesday just because he loves you. Now, a guy like that would inspire awe in most women I know! Anything short of that doesn't fit into the 'amazing' category.
Now for the ladies. What makes an 'amazing' girl? Well, most people use the term for someone who was head of GO in Bais Yaakov or head of color war at Camp Sternberg, but since that position is only open to 2 people per year, it's a little tough to be 'amazing' unless you were on of the chosen ones. But for a woman to be described as 'amazing' she would have to be super educated and successful and also manage to find the perfect balance between home and career, serve a gourmet dinner everynight, keep a spotless home at all times, always look like she walked out of the beauty salon- even after a night of staying up with her colicky baby, be able to devote her attention to every child simultaneously, head chesed organizations, open her home to others in need at all times, and of course, also be a an eloquent speaker, talented dancer, piano virtuoso, fashionista, artista, and have a smile on her face at all times.
But seriously, we're all just normal people, with good qualities and bad ones so why do we always try to portray everyday people as having super-human qualities. To make it seem like they can do no wrong is pointless because we know there is no such thing a a tzadik who never once made a mistake. So instead of using a dumb cliche that tells nothing about who the person is, why don't we start describing people for who they really are. There are so many words in the English language, start using them! And what about giving concrete examples to actually show people that you really know and appreciate the person you're talking about. I don't doubt that he's a thoughtful and caring guy, but why don't you tell me about the time that he came for shabbos and brought you those hard to find gummies that he knows you love. Or how he takes your kids to the park whenever you need a break. I would love to believe she has great midos so tell me about how she always makes sure to smile at everyone she meets and is careful to always say thank you to the bus driver. Those are the things that turn names into real people.
Describing a person's good points is the easy part, but then there's the bad side- which everyone tries to cover up and it's obvious why. Besides for the obvious issues of lashon harah, who wants to say something bad about their friend? I know someone who each time they research a potential date they make sure to ask for 2 areas where the person can work on themselves, which is a great idea because you're not asking for slander, yet realistically we know that even the people we marry will have some areas that can use improvement. I can really appreciate this approach having been in relationships with seemingly perfect people and then finding out the hard way that they were lacking in many crucial areas. So why not just ask? We all know that we're not perfect and that there will be times when our various flaws will challenge our marriages so let's just be open about who we are from the get-go instead of having to deal with the dissappointment that comes with confronting each others' imperfections the hard way.
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